I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize