my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
