so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
