3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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