They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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