hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
