Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
