shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize