just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
