He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
