When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
