I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
