we have officially lost it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
