If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
