her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
