i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
