im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
