just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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