Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
