so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
