I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If that was your dad, he is hot
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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