Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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