checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish you could order shots online.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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