i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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