I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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