Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
