Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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