you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
