the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
