My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
