Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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