The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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