My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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