i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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