Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
