I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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