Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
