So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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