I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
