You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
These tits shall not be calmed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
