so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You can't just leave with hair like that
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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