I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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