party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
