Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
