You can't special order awesome
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize