How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
