He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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