Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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