We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
