Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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