So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
4 words: hood of his car
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
