She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
