dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
