Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
