Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize