I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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