Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
As shirtless as possible
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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