____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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