She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize