i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
