we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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