She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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