I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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