sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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