I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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