A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
