i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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