I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
