you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
