Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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