its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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