I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
